Saturday, June 13, 2009

Stream of Consciousness

I have been debating (with myself) ha ha ha, about posting this particular poem but I think that a few of you may have the fortitude to actually read the entire poem (it is extremely long) and hopefully your may find some inspiration from it. Please understand that I wrote this many years ago when a lover of mine was many thousand miles away and I was on chat with her. This is what I wrote while on Video Chat with her and it is not edited (except where I misspelled a few words) so it is a stream of consciousness that appeared in this moment many years ago. Be prepared if you embark on this journey, because it captures something unique and opening. I am also warning you that this is a very intimate look into my life, so be kind if you choose to comment on its content.
beauty can only be defined through your subtle features and deep dark eyes and flowing black hair the soft slope of broad shoulders revealing the softest golden skin, a breeze in the flowing hair of timeless goddess’s who have come and gone but left such a sweet fragrance of love upon the lips of every person who falls so deeply in love that the inside world and outside world merge into meaningless background. dreams of lovers long since passed like sweet memories of a passion that has no beginning and knows no end. these dreams spring from this present reality of life and love and presence for to see her with hair flowing in the breeze of loving autumn’s fragrance just as the plum blossoms float on the breezes of spring, it is a rebirth it is a coming home to your lover who patiently waits for your warm embrace. this is the time when I don't exist my love. I am not here– dochong is no longer, there is no me– there is no other– there is no world– there is no work– there is no time or space, there is only you and I as one– one creature of perfection that needs no words to express the love and harmony of existence that started before time was even an idea for God. to invent the limitations of false ideas and then transcending even the thoughts I can only find you here in my sacred heart of hearts, in my souls body house of timeless passion this is all, yes of course Namaste my dearest love, je vous aime beaucoup mon petite chou chou, sil vous plais. she bites her finger in passionate repose and licks her lips in anticipation of a kiss that must out of necessity wait, yet is longed for like a cool breeze on a hot summer’s day. this passion is like a well spring of constant unfolding energy it passes through these words and into the heart– it transcends the limits of the space time continuum to become here– now– beyond physics we are truly connected. the alchemists know only the desire to turn the ordinary into something special, yet the true treasure is already in his heart. it is his love who waits in the desert looking and longing at the empty horizon hoping that soon, her lover will return and then the completion that was once whole, and then became two, will once again be that perfect completion of not one and not two– not inside and not outside– not feeling or desiring– just a presence that cannot be defined by any words known to humanity. for words do not exist that can describe the unknowable presence of my nose touching yours and my eyes so close to yours that I see not just you but me, and the entire cosmos seems to be deep in your passionate gaze, and the dancing of soft breath on my lips and face and the pace of your breathing– the coming in and out is all that exists, for there it is not a place or a time or a space to be known, it is pure experience and this is what I long for each moment of each day I wait for your return. no better explanation of love has ever been written not one single thought exists in these words– they came directly from the soul who was in the presence of God so you should save these words and we should share them if we ever get a sour look on our faces. the straps of the tiny top which barely hides the golden skin and reveals the soft flesh of mounded breasts of the softest skin the perfection of roundness and life giving motherhood it is the connection of man to his mother it is the connection of a mother to her son it is the primal force for the beginning of new life moving towards an independent existence. for we all know but we do not see and your breasts draw me in and your eyes hypnotize me and your lips caress my soul and then I know that I am with the mother goddess I am also with the passionate Aphrodite of love and then there is a shift, the focus seems to expand out and the center of the circle becomes larger and starts to encompass more and more until everything is there in your sweet body which moves in time with mine, and we are just breath breathing humanity we are no longer limited by gravity for this is all there is to life truly alive not me jaan right now isn't. this is also my love my true self which has no name not you not me not I not us not anything but this presence. some people never experience this state it has taken a long time to be able to learn how to dwell here and you take me here easily, but know that I am extremely fragile in this state any negative emotion will thrust me back and sometimes it seems violent. I will try to learn how to stay and not let this happen– the negativity pulls me out fast it’s like falling down a dark hole. I am explaining something you don't understand it’s what happened yesterday but I needed to be here to explain it correctly, no thoughts just experience I couldn't explain all of this from Paul's perspective he doesn't know all of this I am not a split person but Paul doesn't enter here that is silly, for there is no devil nor is there a God those are made up out of thinking they are what we label those characters we see in ourselves. I have never had a conversation like this honey nor have I remained here in a conversation ever so I don't know what will happen obviously I a slipping back…. a smile is the brilliance of the universe the gentle curve of arm and breast and nose and mouth mouth the softness of flowing hair the love that emanates from dark brown eyes this is all– smile and the world is brightened sparks fly forth and flash like lightening to blind me. my one and only reality this existence is like a new born baby it needs to be nurtured to survive with all the kindness we can muster with all the compassion we can discover then our lives will settle into a state of presence this is beyond love making it is a place I want you to join me in completely my love my all just let go of all ideas. stop the process slow the moon allow the brilliance of this moment to breathe us just breath just my lovers sweet face in the shadows of a darkened room she is only there for me she only breathes for me and I was born to be with her to be merged with her soul with her heart and her mind I love this moment it is so precious this is our union our joining together no one can stop this it was inevitable from before our birth we have not choice we are already complete now no one can cast this asunder for there is only this just this just like this only like this. arms behind head I am making love with your soul now your heart my heart beat together not one heart not two hearts but together there is this this presence which fills your soul and softly and gently fills our rooms and this union took place ten thousand kalpas before we were born and no one exists and nothing is manifest. manifest but this this has no name don't try to name it love, love is a silly word, not this– not now– just a word. you– me– are constructs, we are not constructs. we are united in mind and soul the body can follow later we have entered we cannot escape, this we have not now but when? now is gone present an idea future doesn't matter past is already gone this this is Namaste pure bliss kind gentle ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh no desire here it already is there let go let go now do it for me stop the thinking you can focus on breath only breathing in and out with each breath I enter you and you enter me time is an idea space is only a common construct right now the space between our souls is less than one atom wide feel me let me in now give up to this the universe was begun in this manner it was before time and god is already in your heart you are god god never existed anywhere else breath breathing human being breath breathing god being breath breathing no outside no opposite neither man nor woman. no space exists that could ever separate us ever again. just that smile just your hands caressing your hair not your hand not my hand god's hand. this body house is the shrine for god's worship this is the only temple that god ever created and we have been worshiping there which is here not in or out just the sacred shrine of timelessness no statues no chanting no incense no teaching no priests but god is perfection with our body house our shrine of sacred passion set free of the bondage that society tried to invoke this is gone. god this is worship Dochong, it could be that you just washed love clean of all its images

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